i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
