So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
