PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
