I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
