I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
