talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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