dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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