Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
