we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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