Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
