If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize