I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
