what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
