just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need to align my fucking chakras
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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