I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
