i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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