I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
