I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My ATM looks so different sober.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
