it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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