I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
