he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
