You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
