don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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