Barsexuality is the new black.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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