Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
