I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
