So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's always time for handjobs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
