so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize