I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
