This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
