Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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