Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
