Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
