Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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