Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
