finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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