i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
