you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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