He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize