it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
