Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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