On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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