I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want nice things and good sex
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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