I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
