I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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