I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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