i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
