Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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