so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
