Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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