you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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