I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Boobs speak an international language.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
