Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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