hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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