i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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