i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize