I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
