you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
