i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
