I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
