so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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