She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
