it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
