4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
