Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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