porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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