I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
