We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
