shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
