My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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