im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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