My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize