420 ftw
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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