i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
