you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
